I'm the Auntie...: There's a Beaver in my Trunk!

Thursday, June 24, 2010

There's a Beaver in my Trunk!

This is a completely and totally true story, I swear it.

So, remember when I told you about Sally's daughters? Well, this involves them.

A few years ago, for New Year's Eve, we decided to all stay home and have our own dinner and party instead of going out. We ended up planning a "Missed America" beauty pageant where everything you wore came from a thrift or discount store. That's a whole other story in itself, so we'll talk about that later. But for background: one of the questions in the Q&A segment of the pageant was Annie's question, "If you could be any animal, what would you be and why?" To which she answered very demurely, "I would be the beaver, because I repel water and can chew through wood with my teeth..." So many comments to surround this answer, but let's just stick with saying that it caused a ripple effect that meant everyone in the family immediately started collecting beaver paraphernalia for Annie.

A year later, Annie got engaged and the wedding planning began. Meanwhile, separately, the random beaver themes kept going.

At the time, there was a lady cleaning our stalls at the farm that was wonderful, and just as crazy as we are. She and her family were always over and knew Annie well, and also about all of our antics. She was driving down the road in Molino (a little, odd redneck town North of Pensacola) when she saw a dead beaver on the side of the road. Being part of our crazy crew, she pulled over, backed up, and put the beaver into the trunk of her bright yellow VW bug and drove it home with her where she put it into her freezer.

Again- I promise this is true.

The following week, she brought it over to Sally's and transfered it into HER freezer as a surprise. Sally, also being crazy, was delighted and we all got a huge laugh out of the beaver gift. Poor beaver, he lived in the freezer for a few months because no one could quite bring themselves to dispose of him. Then Sally came up with her genius plan... she would have him stuffed for Annie's wedding and he could be the center piece. Kim, Annie and I, being crazy, thought this was a fabulous idea! Paul (the fiancée) didn't really get a choice in the matter.

So Sally finds a taxidermist she's satisfied with (this took a while) and decides to take the (still frozen) beaver to him one Saturday afternoon. I was over along with a random Navy pilot taking horseback riding lessons from Sally who we won't discuss because I dated him and he turned out to be a jerk. But at the time, we liked him, so let's just go along with the story...
Sally, from her bathroom, yells to us in the living room, "Drew! I need some help with my beaver." I fell on the floor laughing, Drew looked horrified. She follows that statement (deadpan) with, "I keep it in the freezer in the garage. It's too heavy for me, can you get it out and put it in the bed of my truck. I'm taking it to the taxidermist."

Me: Still laughing hysterically
Drew: Still looking flabbergasted and afraid

We let the poor guy go on like this for a few minutes until I regained enough control to explain- which only sent all three of us into hysterics.

Drew helped Sally with her beaver, and three weeks later he (the beaver) came home, stuffed and mounted in a little woodland scene, chewing through wood with his teeth. He really is a lovely beaver. And he made multiple appearances at the wedding including at the very quaint pre-wedding tea party.

See, told you it was a true story!

Sadly, I can't find my beaver wedding photos, but we have some great ones. The wedding was this beautiful, very classy event downtown. The beaver was behind the bar at the center of the room, under the spot light. Currently, he lives in Sally's bedroom.

So that's my story for today. And here's are a few more wedding photos (sans beaver) just for the hell of it!