I was wrong.
Today, Niki and Lorelei picked me up at the VW dealership so I didn't have to wait for them to service my car. This is what best friends do (see this post for explanation). When they arrived, Niki asked me to check out Lorelei's hair bow. It was quite a piece of work made up of pink and brown ribbon piled about 4 inches off the top of Lorelei's head. Turns out it was two hair bows. Niki clipped the pink one on this morning to hold her hair back while she ate breakfast. When she changed her for the day she put in a brown bow and Lorelei had a fit. The pink one was a must. Unfortunately, by that point the brown one was also a must. When they picked me up she was wearing the brown bow with the pink bow clipped on top of it. It was quite lovely.
You are probably asking yourself: Why didn't Niki just put her foot down and let Lorelei know what was what. Right? Wrong. Let me just describe a Lorelei fit for you: 20-something pounds of adorable falls to the floor with a screech, and arms and legs begin flying in all directions so quickly that you are pretty sure the child has sprouted three to five extra limbs for the sake of her fit. All of this flailing is accompanied by screams and sobs the decibel of a KISS concert... if you are sitting directly next to the refrigerator-sized speakers. No human being can tolerate this for more than about 60 seconds. But then an arched back and shrieks are added, her face turns a strange shade of purplish red, and razor blades sprout from her finger tips while demon possessed smoke begins pouring from her ears. No joke. So if all of this can be prevented with a double-decker hair bow, that's what is done.
Moving on- We headed for a couple of thrift stores to kill some time. This started out very well with Lorelei pulling things off the rack and holding them up while exclaiming, "Cute!" But she got bored rather quickly. At the next store she refused a ride in the buggy, but also refused to be held. A two year old roaming loose in a grungy second hand store littered with random glass items from who knows where is not acceptable. So Niki put Lorelei up on her shoulders so she could browse. I turned around a minute later to find Lorelei perched precariously on Niki's right shoulder in a Superman pose. That store didn't last too long either(although it lasted long enough for us to purchase a cashmere sweater, a Calvin Klein top, two books and a Star Wars sleeping bag for $9. Not bad.).
After that, we made the only logical decision and went to lunch. Lunched started off odd, but cute:
In an Auntie-induced stroke of genius, I told her she could bring "Bear" to lunch. Bear, who by this point was sporting the pink half of the double-decker hair bow, got her own chair and everything. Bear had lemonade, some bread and colored. All was going swimmingly until the food arrived. Food is no longer a sign of sustenance to Lorelei, it is a sign of attention being divided between her and something else for all those around her. Not good. Let the melt down commence. After a few minutes of trying to convince Lorelei to eat in her high chair, which only ended in Lorelei being balanced on her stomach on the table with her feet on the chair that was now a foot behind her, Niki just let her eat in her lap. Except she didn't want to eat. So she ended up again perched in the Superman pose on Niki's shoulder while Niki tried to eat a calzone. I finished off my food quickly and took her to wander around the restaurant. We packed our traveling freak show up and headed to pick up my car. Too bad putting Lorelei into her car seat brought back the screaming banshee. Our conversation to calm her went something like this:
Lorelei, do you want Bear?
NO!
Do you want Tutu Baby?
NO!
Do you want juice?
NO!
Do you want a snack?
NO!
Do you want to go to Disney World?
NO!
Do you want to continue to breathe?
NO!
Do you want a bowl full of M&Ms?
NO!
Do you want our eternal love and devotion?
NO!
Do you want a life-size dancing talking pink bear of your own?
NO!
We gave up and drove to the dealership with a small, screaming, attacking alien in the back seat. I got out of the car and got ready to head for the safety of my own with Niki and I being very careful not to look at Lorelei- both because she was calming down and we didn't want to start her off again, and also because we were afraid if we made eye contact she would turn our brains to mush with her x-ray vision. At that point, I did what an Auntie does. I got out of the car and left Niki alone with the beast. Because at the end of the day, some times you've just got to play the Auntie card. Not the mama!!!
The best part? Lorelei won't be 2 until next month. It's ON!
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