General musings on the ups and downs and ins and outs in the life of a 30 something, unmarried, life loving, some times interesting and sometimes not, mostly happy girl just trying to figure it all out!

Thursday, April 29, 2010

The Curse of Montezuma -aka- Kim & Steve's Wedding

So guys, remember when I asked you to pray for a great wedding? You failed me! All of you!
Actually, in the end, all was OK. The actual wedding event went off well. And by the grace of God, the bride and groom didn't get sick until they were upstairs in their wedding suite. The stuff hit you hard and fast! I was A-OK, and within 20 minutes I was throwing up. Poor bride. She didn't quite make it to the bathroom and left an unfortunate brown smear on her marital bed. It's OK, go ahead and laugh. It's really all there is to do.

We've dubbed the illness "The Curse of Montezuma" or "The Screaming Shits," whichever you prefer. The wedding is to be known as "The Wedding of Ill Re-Toot" for all of history. Last count, of the 25 people at the wedding 13 fell to the curse, and Annie caught it twice- making that 13 1/2. I do have some nice pictures and a few good laughs, so here we go...

First and foremost, this blog post must be dedicated to the Flynn Family Toilets, who endured so much with seven sick people in the house at once.

Very little of the originally predicted drama came to fruition- probably because we were all too sick to stir up any trouble. But at any rate, on Thursday evening we had a family spaghetti dinner at Kim & Steve's and it was a great event! This picture is of Kimmie, Sally, and her two ex husbands. They actually got along well; Mo with his refined, suaveness and manners and Tom with his burly dirty-old-man-Santa Claus self. They dubbed themselves husbands-in-law and no drama ensued there.

After the diner on the porch, we all headed over to Kim's best friend, Sandy's, house for even more wine and to meet Ursula, the mannequin who presides over the manor.

Then, it started... Sally woke up sick Friday morning and overflowed Steve's toilet (filled with "Montezuma Curse") into the bathroom. By the end of the day, Chris was down for the count as well.
         *Side note, Chris got along well with Beth (baby mama #1) and her husband. Unfortunately, Angie (baby mama #2) called drunk one night and was out cheating on him with some random Pee Pee Cola druggie. Good news, though, they are back together now. Disgusting.    

Back to wedding bliss... for the rehearsal dinner (sans the rehearsal) we headed out for Friday Night Fish Fry, a Wisconsin tradition. The bride wore a cute polka dot dress and topped it off with her princess crown. It was GREAT! They served us family style: Blue Gill, Waleye, Perch, potato pancakes, cole slaw- delish! It was completely perfect except that Sal was sick, but insisted on going along. But she hung in like a trooper.

 After Friday Night Fish Fry I headed over to Sandy's with Beth to crash so I didn't have to sleep with Sally. Sandy has turned an entire room in her house into a closet and we proceeded to party in the closet. We drank wine and dressed up. I decided to wear this adorable vintage 50s outfit to the party on Sunday. I was so great- it looked like some little lady had worn it to tea!

Saturday morning Beth and I got up and went (champagne in hand) to the Inn to decorate. We did all of the table decor, toasting flutes, etc- and I think we did GREAT! Everything looked beautiful.

Then the drama started in earnest...
The mother of the bride was still sick. But the brother of the bride, unfortunately, was recovered enough for he and his father to kidnap the groom and take him off into Lake Geneva. We tracked them down, and I won't repeat my words, but we managed to get him back with about half an hour to spare. Chris was drunk the entire wedding and tried to pick up every woman in site- including me. Eww. The father of the bride (the nasty one, not the suave one) showed up to give away the bride in cut-off jean shorts, a blazer and tie, and boat shoes. Let me remind you- the wedding was at a four-star Inn and Restaurant. He looked like a moron. But we managed to get the wedding off without a hitch and it was beautiful! The appetizers (Asian-style calamari and crab dip) were Yum! And diner was divine (regardless of the fact that I threw it up 5 hours later). Annie and I vetoed the regular turn-down service and did our own in the wedding suite. All tipsy people were chauffeured home safely and all was well, so we thought.

After arriving home and having a few post-wedding glasses of wine, I hit the sheets about midnight because I was so exhausted. About 20 minutes after lying down I began to feel queasy and within 10 more minutes I was throwing up. The quote to best describe the illness is from Uncle Gary: "I had no idea you could feel this bad and still be alive." I can't tell you anything about the Sunday party because I wasn't there. Annie and I stayed in bed the entire day (which is bad since we were really in charge of handling the party) moaning and sipping ginger ale.  I know they served lamb sliders, green onion pancakes, mussels, king crab dip, crab cakes, and about 10 other things. But every time I smelled it through my door, it just made me sick again. I somehow figured out how to cancel my flight for Monday morning, because that obviously wasn't happening. I managed to make it up for breakfast the next morning and have a biscuit, but it didn't stay down. So back to bed. By that evening I was able to go sit on the back porch and have more Ginger Ale while everyone else had beer and margaritas- the injustice!

On Tuesday I was feeling pretty good and Annie was back to normal, so we headed out shopping for a bit and for some lunch. I got to pairs of BKM Jeans- does anyone know what those are? They fit great! We continued getting calls about who the newest sick people were. I tried to get into the day and have fun- I never get to be with Kim and Annie. But by that point I was upset at missing getting to see Niki and Nathan and meet Loielei and I just wanted to get home! I never in my life thought I'd be eager to return to Pee Pee Cola. So I re-booked my flight and $300 extra dollars later, I was home.

Crazy and memorable to say the least. Sorry the alignment is all off- it won't let me fix it. I guess I'll end my saga with the story of the wedding cake:

Kimmie wanted Sal to make the cake. She made Hummingbird Cake with Cream Cheese frosting- Yummy! I get this call while I'm decorating at the Inn and all I can hear is screaming laughter.
After Sal made and iced the cake, Annie walked into the dining room and yells up to Sally, "Mom, you forgot to ice an entire side of the cake!"
Sal: "Annie, honey, I did the entire cake. It's decorated and ready to go."
Annie: "Mom, I am looking at the cake and there is an entire side not iced!"
So Sal and Kimmie traipse downstairs to check it out and everyone was a bit baffled until Lucy, the Carin Terrier, scurried by with icing on her face.
It seems Lucy jumped onto the table and licked the icing off of one side of the cake.
The solution: re-ice that side, re decorate, and never tell a sole!


  1. are you KIDDING me??? pretty please NEVER stop recounting your life. i'm thoroughly entertained. JB and I are dying laughing.

  2. Poor ashham!!!! at least the pussywillow made it :)

  3. Wait- I just added the cake story. Don't miss that part!


All About Ashley

My photo
Spring, TX, Southern, United States
Playing with and keeping up with my nephew and niece take up a lot of my time. Van Geaux takes up the rest of it. Work is an afterthought most days! I like to be outside- but not when it's too hot. I get bored at my desk all day. Niki keeps my world spinning and without her and AC I'd lose it. My work ethic crashes at 4 p.m. daily and I live my sweet puppy and my hedgehog whenever I am not at Niki's. I truly believe naps are quality pass-time events, and sometimes I say bad words at work. I'm pretty sure I'm insane on multiple levels and I believe rules don't apply to me.
It seems that my life is quite entertaining. I didn't realize this myself, but was informed of it by my friends- who are rather entertained by tales of my life occurrences.

I'm far from a professional writer. These are just stories, comments, and other items for simple amusement. Hopefully it's a fun read, as Shannon plans to edit it into a book one day! Maybe we'll become famous, and maybe we'll just have some good laughs at my expense (and some other characters in my life). Either way, happy reading!