I'm reading Captivating again. Scanning/reading is probably a more accurate statement. And re-absorbing the powerful parts of this book that made such an impression on me.
One point it makes is that women tend to be more defined by relationships. We are relational beings, created in God's image to reflect his desire for strong, intimate relationships. I was thinking about that, and I think it's very accurate for many women. Even as the world changes and morphs and women move into bigger leading roles around the globe; these women, we, still hold the roles of mother, daughter, friend, wife, and struggle with balancing these roles with work.
The book says, "Most women define themselves in terms of their relationships, and the quality they deem those relationships to have. I am a mother, a sister, a daughter, a friend. Or, I am alone. I'm not seeing anyone right now, or my children aren't calling, or my friends seem distant."
How true is that for you? It struck a strong chord with me. In thinking about myself and my role before I moved to Texas, I was Ashley Hamlin, DIB Program Manager. My job was so consuming, even when I no longer loved it, the wherever I went in the city, whatever I did, I felt defined by it. I had to be on guard and alert.
Moving to Texas made me anonymous. I have a non-demanding (although rather non-rewarding) job here. But when I walk out of the office door, I'm just Ashley. I am best friend, auntie, sister, daughter, girlfriend. I am whatever that moment makes me. And these roles, these roles that I cherish, now define my life 100% of the time. The more I thought about it, the more I realized how big a difference that loosing that career woman role made in my life.
Don't get me wrong- I miss that role at times. More often these days, actually. And I still entertain the thought of taking it back, although not so seriously I hope! So I certainly don't mean that we, women, should drop them. Not at all. I just mean that if we are more aware of which roles we let take the most weight in our self-definition, how can we change ourselves?
These thoughts have been rolling around a lot in my head recently.
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All About Ashley
- Ashley Lane Hamlin
- Spring, TX, Southern, United States
- Playing with and keeping up with my nephew and niece take up a lot of my time. Van Geaux takes up the rest of it. Work is an afterthought most days! I like to be outside- but not when it's too hot. I get bored at my desk all day. Niki keeps my world spinning and without her and AC I'd lose it. My work ethic crashes at 4 p.m. daily and I live my sweet puppy and my hedgehog whenever I am not at Niki's. I truly believe naps are quality pass-time events, and sometimes I say bad words at work. I'm pretty sure I'm insane on multiple levels and I believe rules don't apply to me.
I can't agree more with you, Ashley (especially since I understand your DIB career woman role more intimately than anyone!). I think many of us, women, want to at least understand the life of someone defined by their career to see how it feels and then decide if that is what we want. The fact that we have that choice, when women in the past did not, is in itself enticing and almost seductive. I'm finding myself more and more defined by the relationships that surround me, and the ones I've left behind, and tend to prioritize them along with my career these days... Those are some powerful words and I think I'm going to have to read that book now ;)
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